If you’ve just experienced a breakup, you’re not alone. Just about everyone has experienced it at some point in their life. In fact, it’s so common that millions of books, poems, movies, and songs are based on this concept of “breaking up”. But I have to say, Neil Sedaka sang it best…”Breaking up is hard to do.”
Think about it, when in a relationship, much of your time and energy is spent in the comfort of companionship with your other. You share your most intimate thoughts, moments, and secrets. You share good times and the bad. You share laughter and tears. Unfortunately, not all relationships end in “happily ever after;” and should that fork in the road show up in yours…there are plenty Conscious Strategies™ to help you through the experience.
While to some this may be a time of joy, to others it’s devastating. Thoughts run ramped in your mind, “How is the one person who was so close, now so far away?” “What did I do wrong?” “What now?” If feelings of confusion, sadness, frustration, anger, loss, and not to mention fear are rushing through your head due to the breakup, try implementing the below tips…and begin a new healthier, happier, and more empowered chapter in your life.
10 tips to get over a breakup:
Breaking up is hard to do. So, there is absolutely nothing wrong to simply take some time and release the pain via good, solid, crying. If you try to avoid the release, you’ll only bottle the emotions and do more harm than good.
2. LOVE YOURSELF!
I know…when you breakup…especially if someone breaks up with you, you immediately feel rejected and broken. You may feel worthless, unattractive, or inferior. As women, we tend to get our motivation, appreciation and love from exterior influences. This has you look for fault and broken-ness within yourself during a breakup. While it may sound “corny”, it’s proven, when you see the love is within you…believe in and feel the love for yourself, and you’ll become a more confident person. Some call it healing; others call it “getting over it”. Regardless of what you call it, love has to start with you, within you, and about you. And if you don’t start loving, appreciating, and caring for yourself, you’ll continue creating the same relationship over and over again. I call this dating the same person with a different face…and there’s no one better to love you…than you.
3. REPLACE ANGRY AND FRUSTRATING THOUGHTS OF YOUR EX WITH HAPPY THOUGHTS OF OTHER RELATIONSHIPS!
When thoughts of your ex come up, replace them with positive memories of other relationships, this may be those with friends, family, or even professional based. While this may not be easy at first, you must try. For instance, if all of a sudden you think of an intimate moment with your ex followed by anger or sadness since they’re gone, quickly swap it with a memory of an intimate moment or thought that you shared with someone else in your life (one who you have a positive relationship with).
All things happen for a reason, and even those with the most unfortunate outcomes can be utilized as an opportunity to learn. Use your break up to learn about what works for you in a relationship and what doesn’t. If you don’t take the time to learn, there is a strong likelihood that you’ll soon enough fall into a similar relationship, dating the same person with a different face and ending with the “surprise” of a similar experience.
Grab a notebook and pen and write down all your feelings and the reasoning behind them. Are you angry …if so why? Are you sad? Betrayed? Write it all down and look for patterns. Before you know it, you’ll identify new insights about your past relationships as well as those in the future. In addition to feelings, write down all the pros and cons about your ex and the relationship. Not only is this a great exercise, but when thoughts of reconnecting arises, you can reference the written cons and decide for yourself if it’ll all be worth it. Similar to tip #4 the list of pros and cons is a handy reference to help you identify what type of relationship you’re looking for, and with & without what type of characteristics.
6. STAY APART!
Yes this does sound harsh, but hear me out. I’m not saying don’t ever talk to your ex again; all I’m saying is at first, when emotions are high, keep your distance. Once you both overcome the negative energy, then it’ll be okay to continue and interact as friends, if that is appropriate and wanted by both of you.
7. DON’T GET STUCK ON ANGER!
While at first it may help to replace thoughts of sadness with those of anger (to affirm the breakup), don’t sustain anger. Anger is a form of negative energy which in the long run does more harm than good. It’s best to release the anger, so your next relationship doesn’t pay dues for your past.
8. CLEAN UP!
Breakups result in much free time. So why not utilize the additional free time to focus on yourself and your environment? Use this time to care for yourself mentally, emotionally and physically. Mentally…you can use the time to identify your passions that you would like to pursue and the stresses that you would like to eliminate. Physically…you can exercise, eat well, and get rest. Emotionally…you can spend time with friends and loved ones who are empowering and supportive of your positive outlook on life – even if you’re not feeling it. In addition, clean up your surroundings. Freshen and organize your environment, your home, your office, your car. It may be helpful in the beginning to remove any memory triggers of the relationship, such as gifts or pictures. When I did this after my last breakup it truly helped me to focus on what I was currently creating and building vs. the past.
9. FIND NEW HAPPINESS!
A breakup results in creating a new chapter in your life. Therefore, why not live it with upmost potential. Use the time to experience new happiness in other areas of your life, while keeping your mind off the loss. This doesn’t mean to pretend the emotions from the breakup aren’t there, but rather focus on what makes you happy so that moving forward is easier. Happiness can be found via spending time with family and friends or perhaps taking on a new activity that you’ve always wanted to try. Re-evaluate who you are, your passions, your dreams, and set goals to achieve these and time to act & succeed.
10. VOID HARMFUL MASKS!
Avoid using alcohol and drugs to mask your pain. As M. Kathleen Casey once said…” Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” When you mask your pain in any way, whether drugs, alcohol, over work, sleep, food, whatever method, you are delaying the healing process and your ability to have a happy and healthy relationship in the future.
While breaking up may be hard to do, I believe each and every relationship has incredible value. We learn so much about ourselves through connections with others. We are here to create our world of experience and if we don’t embrace our experiences of contrast then we will continue to experience it. Everything happens for a reason. And like energy, love is never lost.